This is the “DISCUSSION” side of the blog. I want everyone to chime in, share with friends, teachers and family. Discuss. Here’s the deal: The show VENUS deals with some vital and interesting issues – self-esteem, fitting-in, body-image, what, exactly is cool - that bring up some interesting points. And young people are responding – girls and their mothers especially.
So let’s talk more about that.
It’s a story about learning to accept yourself as you age, it’s a tender love story… and damn it is funny… but it’s also about a society where young women are taught it is better to be pretty than to be smart.
Since I began writing this show I’ve kept an old yellowed news clipping on my desk, a letter from Alle Hall commenting on what a vice president of Disney’s consumer products division said about their Cinderella line. The Disney spokeswoman said: “She has almost everything a girl needs: a fairy godmother, royal ball, fabulous ball gowns, royal coach…” I’ve always loved Alle’s response and feel it really speaks to the heart of this show. She answered:
“There is nothing wrong with girls wanting to feel special and beautiful. May I suggest an alternate list as a surer way to get there: healthy self-esteem, intelligence, emotional and physical strength, integrity, good female friends and a loving family.
I chose List B.”
Alle C. Hall
Seattle
Way to go, Alle! That about sums it up. But there’s more to hear, more to discuss.
I’d really welcome any thought that you might have on this subject. How have you experienced this sort of thing in your life? You can also enter our contest on youtube to be an extra on stage by just being your fun self! You can find it at www.youtube/group/venusmusical
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
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To be yourself means being the person who best fits the situation sometimes. The me I am with my husband is not the me I am at work, and that me bears no resemblence to the me who goes drinking with the drama group I am part of.
ReplyDeleteTo fit in occasionally feels like making yourself adapt to other peoples expectations; looks are part of that. I'm fortunate that my husband likes the way I look - even if I don't always - and never lets me worry about what other people think. You can't please everybody, so you had better just please yourself.
If you are healthy, happy, and comfortable being around the people you care about, that is what matters.
I suffer from a condition called Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome which has caused me a lot of pain, not to mention a few health side effects such as; weight problems, hair growth problems, the possibility I may not be able to have children and the most obvious one - one of my breasts didn't develop all the way. This was quite obvious from on early age and girls being girls, I was bullied about it. In fact, I was getting nasty comments `behind` my back right up until the time I went to university. It has always upset me and it has always affected the way I've seen my self, PCOS and all. I have little to no self confidence; I can be painfully shy most of the time and to compensate for this crippling shyness I over act in front of people. I play myself up as some big, silly figure and in the end I become embarrassed over my actions, I feel socially awkward and find it difficult to go out and make friends.
ReplyDeletePeople have always said that it’s not what’s on the outside that counts and that beauty is only skin deep. To some extent, yes that can be true – in a perfect world. But the world is far from perfect and the way you look DOES matter and DOES effect a multitude of things: who talks to you, if you get the job or not, who becomes your friend, who you date, how people treat you, what clothes you buy, what kind of things you do for fun, the list can go on and on.
I have never liked the way I look. I see a mirror and I see an opportunity to pick myself apart; piece by piece, facial feature and imperfection at a time.
Here’s the thing though; I’ll still wear that dress, I’ll still dance with my friends, I’ll still try my best to tame my wild hair. I pretend that I look good, that when I dress up I look just like any other girl out having fun. There’s a phrase I head in America this summer, fake it till you make it, so I’ll keep pretending I like myself and maybe one day it’ll be true. But for now I’ll just cover up my body as much as I can and make people think I’m feel fine the way I am.
I know it's not as simple as saying "we are all beautiful"... but in the bigger picture - the picture where all of a person's attributes weigh in - I think the soul IS what matters. Some of the most boring people I have met were models. I'm not ANTI-beauty. I think that understanding and compassion is the key. For others and for yourself. I understand feeling down on oneself, but in the end the part of madamefifi's letter that made me smile was: "I'll still dance with my friends" .
ReplyDeleteI have, and have had, a weight problem since I was four or five. I also have two brothers. My father also has, and did have from an early age, a weight problem. He also has two brothers.
ReplyDeleteHis childhood/teen problems bear only a passing resemblance to mine.
While playground taunting and age-bracketing--I'm the middle child--brothers made my childhood and teen years hell, the real kick-'em-while-she's-down-er was, in point of fact, my mother. It wasn't anything remotely intentional, and in point of fact probably started with me wanting to be like the woman. She was a dance major in college, so I took ballet and tap classes.
Hello body issues! Hello my mother gently bullying me into diets and picking apart my clothing choices. Granted, in hindsight it was probably initially coming from my grandmother nagging Mom about me, but still. It wasn't until sophomore year of high school that a part of me said "to heck with it!" and I started to stop caring about what other people thought of me.
...Okay, so it's still a work in progress. Being in my mid-20s and never been on a date yet doesn't help much, of course, but what can you do?
I'd like to expand on a point from rosy-the-cat's comment: Mothers. Specifically mine (oh my, here comes another self involved rant!).
ReplyDeleteMy mum is diet MAD. Every since I was a child it's been healthy-eating this (translation: making up her own diet) and this new diet plan works and `I'm trying this new fad now and so should you` type conversations. Now it's diet pills and meal supplements (she's even decided to give up eating one of the three meals a day for lent, bringing religion into her quest to lose weight).
Once, when I was 11 years old I came crying to her because I'd gotten two detentions in a row from school (my first ever so I was quite upset) I cried when I told her and as it was bed time I was in a night shirt so me legs were exposed.
Her attempt at getting me to stop crying hysterically was to tell me "You know, you've got really fat thighs" right out of the blue. She honestly thought this would stop me crying and didn't mean it in a horrid way. But whenever my friends have tried to blame my own obsession of starving myself (I only eat one meal a day), my weight problem and my use of diet pills on my mum - one even went so far as to tell me she was subjecting me to a form of abuse - I'd defend mum to the end, because it's not really her fault, she just wants me to be healthy and happy and she probably got her own issues from her mum (my Nonna tells my mum off if she's not wearing make up!). It's also hard to explain to them that I know she does it because she loves me, not because she wants me to change or be better.
To be honest, when I have children I'll probably obese over making healthy meals for them and making sure they get enough physical activity. Is it really a bad thing to not want them to have the problems I have, to see them be healthy and happy? I know where my mum is coming from, maybe I won’t do it the way she does but I’ll probably be just as hung up on it as she is.
Oops, another long comment! Sorry!
you spelled "obsess" "obese".... hmmm...
ReplyDeleteI think that the media does pollute the minds of our impressionable tweens and teens. Girls and boys. There's no doubt about it. So, an "entertainment" - a film, a tv show, a MUSICAL even - that shines a light on this issue and makes us all think about what it really means to be beautiful is important. I think the real cool people are the ones that persevere through the bulls**t with compassion and love for their friends and people in general.
ReplyDeletelove is what makes us beautiful realizing how much we need it and realizing how much we need to give it is where beauty comes from
ReplyDeleteI can not wait to see this show! I appreciate that this theme was written by a guy (and an old friend).
ReplyDeleteI have spent thousands of dollars getting Botox (yes a poison) injected into my face and having Liposuction done. Well the lines come back after the Botox wears off and the tummy comes back if you like pizza and ice cream like I do.
I think I fell into this trap because I worked in Human Resources for years in Corporate America where the prime candidates to hire were in their 20's and 30's. I wanted to stay competitive and did not want to be passed over because I was getting older. I wish I had all that money back that I spent as I would share it with people less fortunate and abused animals.
I don't know what it's all about and I have no answers to provide great insight to others. I just know that I had a cancer scare that shook me to my core a while ago. I started to 'appreciate' more. The more I appreciated things in my life, the happier I was. I started to realize the important things in life. I started to reach out more to family and friends (old and new) and went back to really LIVING my life. I am blessed to have lines that show I've laughed and smiled a lot in my life. I think I'll go have a bowl of chocolate ice cream now. :O)
Reena Rey
AKA Sharon Samels
Tens of millions of people around the world had their eyes opened to Susan Boyle's beauty after her performance on Britian's Got Talent. You should watch it if you haven't. Watch it again if you have.
ReplyDeletehttp://tinyurl.com/c49rgl
[This is Kelley] I went to this play last night. I am a 17 year old and I really related to this play. I liked the way she needed a formula to change into a different person. I feel like my own formula is the televison or my school. I see different things I like and want to try to become, and they keep breaking my pockets. I try to be like everybody else and that costs a lot of money. As a young adult I should be more careful about what I do and want to be like.
ReplyDelete[ my name is Angie ] ! I also went to the play last night & it was so good. It really gave a good description about how a lot of people view beauty. There are many people that make other girls lives hard by manipulating them & making them think they aren’t "BEAUTIFUL".
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ReplyDelete(I'm Jodeci (joe-Dha-sea)) On the press release night, I got to experience the play with my girls group. As a teenager, and more importantly a female in this era, it is hard not to be discouraged about what you believe in, as Venus did in the play. No one really listened to her because of her appearance. It makes you think that you have to be accepted by the media before you can get the respect that you really deserve. Then again, I disagree because no one is the same, and what may be viewed as beautiful in one's eyes may not be the same for others, but that doesn't make it any better than the next. So you shouldn't try to buy into what people say or let what you see everywhere change what you believe in. Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder. I believe that Venus did a wonderful job in portaying that message. It helped boost my confidence in what I already believe in.
ReplyDeleteI'm inspired by Venus, Jodeci, Angie and Kelley. You can't let ideal standards and unrealistic expectations shadow you. As my grandma would say "people look for beauty in you, not on you." That said it can be hard to keep this confident spirit up sometimes and it's nice to have a show like this to remind us. What are some other good Venus-like examples for young people?
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